Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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