I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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