On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
