Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
