You can't special order awesome
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
