I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
