I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
