I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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