put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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