So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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