Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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