Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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