I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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