there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
