Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's rum buckets o'clock
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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