he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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