Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
