just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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