no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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