Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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