he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
