she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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