I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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