how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
