Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
