We need to rekindle our bromance
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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