If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
