I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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