You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
