we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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