Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
