You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
