My liver just broke up with me...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
