Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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