I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
not ubering you a puppy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
