Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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