Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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