i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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