if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
