I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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