party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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