I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
