I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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