Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
