i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
