you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
