I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
