I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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