is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
