I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
