Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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